what an oilcan can't repair

Growing up, I walked down the yellow-brick road a time or two dreaming about the adventures of the girl with the red shiny shoes. I was scared at times by the obstacles she encountered yet I was enchanted by her hodgepodge group of silly friends. I simply thought their searches for "missing parts" comical and never really thought about the significance behind each quest. The Scarecrow was searching for a brain, the Tin Man for a heart and the Cowardly Lion for bravery. Each character is rewarded in the end of the film accordingly for overcoming their dilemmas.

I haven't seen this movie in years, nor do I have any desire to see it soon. But I couldn't help but think about the Tin Man last night and envy his heartless state of being. I realize that sounds ridiculous. Yet, there are times my heart gets in the way. It gets in the way of life and makes me wonder about it all.

And hearts can hurt. Sometimes I wish I could avoid it all. I wish I could turn my heart off and not feel the pain. But if I did that I would be turning into the Cowardly Lion and would rather balk at a problem than stare it in the face. And sometimes facing that fear is what it is about.

Because if I never did confront the apprehension or uncertainty life hands me on a lovely silver platter, I would never chance the possibility of enjoying what may be on the menu. Or I may not experience the joy or satisfaction in such a dish. Ok this is getting a little too metaphorical. (And I may be getting hungry right now...)

But lately in life I have had to puff up the courage that the Cowardly Lion discovered through the help of his friends and I have had to overcome a couple obstacles in my life. Hindrances that may have made me long to be like or have maybe already transformed me into the Tin Man, without a heart.

Yet, I also know that it is ok to hurt. It is ok to heal. According to the cliche so many have lovingly passed my direction, it will only make me stronger. And honestly, in retrospect, every ache in my past has only added to my story. The story I am not writing, the story I am living. The story He is scripting, expertly and without flaw.

I still have my flaws. The weaknesses are sometimes personified as the Cowardly Lion. Other times, I wonder where my logic went and can relate to the Scarecrow. And today I identify with the Tin Man. For I too am looking for my heart.

I question my sanity from time to time. (Marin may too. :) ) I wonder how I get so caught up in these side stories that twist my heart and my emotions. I ponder if it's worth it to take so many chances.

But life is all about chances. And choices. It's a matter of trusting even when we can't see. We're meant to be vulnerable. When questioned at the end of the movie by the Great Wizard, the Tin Man stands his ground.

Wizard of Oz: As for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart. You don't know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.

Tin Woodsman: But I still want one.

And I wholeheartedly agree. I still want mine. Even with the scratches, the bruises and the ache it may endure from time to time. For with the same heart that feels pain, it also feels unbelievable gladness. And it also delights in the friends in my life. The friends who remind me of the reasons I have to smile, the reasons I have to laugh and the ones who help me find my heart, just as the Tin Man eventually found his.