contentment, if only it was as easy as 1,2,3...

As a youngster, marking dates off on the calendar was exciting. When mom brought out the advent calendar and we got to count down the days until Christmas, I could hardly contain myself. Or knowing that my birthday was just around the corner, my life would revolve around the countdown, telling everyone around me as if it really was the latest piece of news they were truly yearning to hear. To this day, I love having things in life to look forward to. Recently, using my mad math skills, I mentally kept a tab of how many days until Spring Break while anticipating those two weeks.

Why do I do that? What is "it" that keeps me counting? How do I always manage to have something in life to look forward to? I'm not saying it's a bad thing to anticipate the future....but I have realized that I sometimes miss out on the present. I can't blame it on genetics, although thinking about this struggle makes me think about wrestling. My dad was a wrestler, and while those genes may have missed me, I do feel like I often wrestle with the idea of contentment.

I pray for it. I seek it. Yet I count down the days. I lose patience while waiting for things to happen in life. I expect the students in my classroom to patiently sit still every morning while some are just staring at the clock, counting down the minutes until lunch. :) Hopefully, not TOO many of them are just staring at the clock, but I completely understand them.

I relate to my students. I relate to the wrestling, even if it's not a physical fight. Sometimes "patience" just seems to elude me. It's dancing in front of me, begging me to tango, but I refuse. I am convinced my own two-step must be a better routine.

As I sit here, pondering and flushing out my thoughts, I see this pitiful picture of myself tripping over my own feet while trying to dance on my own. Dancing to my own timing. How many times have I been told or been reminded that my timing is not actually accurate. Shocker. Yet, I have a problem throwing out my mental watch or calendar I create for my life.

This quote captured me the other day: "Contentment is the not the fulfillment of what you want but the realization of how much you already have." My contentment cannot be found in the future, it is better found within what I already have and have been given. And with patience, I need to wait for His timing.

In Psalm 37:7, it says, "Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him." Rather than waiting for specific days to arrive or events to occur, I need to enjoy the days I have been given and wait for the Lord. Wait for His timing. His good and perfect timing.

While easier said than done. I know it's possible. If patience wants to tango, I'm willing to learn. I'll still trip over myself from time to time, but that's ok. Life is good, I like where I am and what I am learning, even if I sometimes allow myself to linger on the calendar. And though I can't wait to see what happens in the future, the truth is that I can wait.

I not only think I can, I know I can.

With His help, I can.