Genuine?

The day came when the hardest test of the year was upon us and we all knew that we weren’t ready and had not studied enough on the topic to do well on this exam. But what could we do, we had to take this test to pass 10th grade Bible class. So after many essay questions and a handful of multiple choice question, I leisurely placed my exam on the counter and slunk back to my desk feeling that ugly certainty of failure. The next day a surprise curve ball was thrown our way as we blinked worried eyes at the teacher. He simply said, “This test was tough. No one did really well and though I am saddened I have a deal for you.” At this point our hearts sunk and a small ray of hope was wiggling its way through the gloominess as we heard the word “deal”. The teacher went on to say, “Today though no one deserves it, everyone gets an A” The class unanimously said, “What? Are you serious? Why?” And then everyone soon was expressing gratitude with wide smiles across every pair of cheeks in the room.

Grace. That is what happened that day and that is what I experience everyday. It is a little thing yet a big thing. It is something that too often gets forgotten and always used. I still struggle with understanding why and completely accepting that I am forgiven and knowing that I do not deserve to be. What an incredible thing to be given a clean slate for no reason. In 2 Corinthians 12, Paul writes “Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it [thorn in flesh] away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

It seems a little backwards, huh? It sometimes seems to me as though God could use me more if I was perfect or I could be more self-sufficient. I find myself saying in not so many words, “Don’t worry God, you take care of this problem and I’ll take care of this one.” It’s as though I tell God what to do and expect Him to appreciate my taking care of everything else. Whoa, this is not how it works. Rather than taking it on myself to accomplish what only God can do, I need to let Him take care of things. It is ok if I am weak. God can use me more if I choose to rely on Him more. When I choose to need God, it is then that He can provide far more than I can imagine. We do not need to come bearing amazing talents, lots of money or success, all we need is ourselves. What an incredible concept. I don’t need to impress God, he knows me inside and out. He knows my weaknesses and He can use them. He knows my strengths and He too will use those for His glory. The step just needs to happen. What if I could let go of everything in life? What if I truly lived as though all I needed was the Lord? What kind of radical changes would take place?

Talking with a friend lately, I have been encouraged to abandon much of who I am sans God and live as though He is the number one in my life. Though this is always easier said than done, why would I not choose to make that transformation? Taking the road less-traveled is difficult, yes but it is possible because of the strength we receive through God’s grace.

Another question drumming the surface is, “What if I treated everyone else with the grace God has given me?” I sometimes find myself compartmentalizing who receives grace in my life and who does not. It may be easier to love some versus others, but grace covers all and shows love to all.

At the end of Paul’s thought mentioned above he talks about delighting in things that normally cause us displeasure. He says because of God’s grace He revels in hardship, in persecution, in insults and in weaknesses. I will be the first to admit that this is not a readily tendency for me by any means. I often find myself disguising my weaknesses by using my strengths as the coat of camouflage. I struggle with pride as I compete, as I speak and as I act daily. Never wanting to disclose my true self and the things I struggle with, I show people what I want them to see. The point of this routine gets lost in the process as I forget what God asks us to be – genuine. (I think this picture helps show a little natural joy)

I think that if I lived with the grace I know I have received and treated others with the grace I have been given a genuine person may emerge from under the sugar-coated person I often portray. Knowing how much I appreciate seeing the real person rather than the person so many want others to see, I feel as though it is only right for me to dish back the same loyalty to others and ultimately to God. He delights in weaknesses and is ready to use me, broken as I am.

So God thank you for the grace you have given me without reason beyond your unconditional love for me and your faithfulness I live by everyday. It is in you that I can rest and you I can confide. You know my heart and my struggles, you know my desires and my need, may I only long for you in my life. May I give up the distractions and the things that drive a wedge between the time I spend with you and the time I waste doing other things. Jesus this is my desire to love you and to live for you with everything I have, thanks for giving me a renewed chance daily and for never loving me less Lord. All this for you Lord, thank you for the amazing grace given relentlessly.

And since 10th grade I have learned that grace is more than an A on a test, it is the ability to live freely everyday with the love of God sustaining me and forgiving me without reason.